Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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