Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
