Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
