I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
