The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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