I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I accidentally burped into my bong.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
