i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The uberlube is also flammable
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
