Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
