she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize