I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
