You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
