I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I touched a dick in church today
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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