I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize