apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
