She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
