I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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