I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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