watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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