idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
