she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
