life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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