Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
