He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Randomize
