i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
