Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
