i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
