I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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