no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
