Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
