I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
