He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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