is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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