Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
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