the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
