he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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