he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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