I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
This girl is more easily done than said...
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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