what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
