You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
