Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
