Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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