Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
