This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
