Tell her she can't have a vagina
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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