I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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