From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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