it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
