I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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