The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
