Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
