I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
