you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
should my penis look like a turkey
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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