I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
