Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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