We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
