highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
