Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
