I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
