Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
