Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize