I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
