Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
