Dual....:-)
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
