So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
