I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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