I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize