this beer tastes like vomit already
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
