Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
