Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
