i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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