GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
thus making me awesome and them whores
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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