I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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