I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
