we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize