she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
