The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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