can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
