finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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