So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
