Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
