And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize