Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
