Kiss
Puke
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
