sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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