...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
