No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize