And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
