Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Randomize