You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
