apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
