mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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