worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
