May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
