I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I wish you could order shots online.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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